when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
are you so shy because you have an std?
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
