Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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