WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
