LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
