He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
