This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
