Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
