Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
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