I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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