he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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