If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
