dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
