just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
