I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
