I murdered the dance floor call the cops
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
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