i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
