dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
