I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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