I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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