I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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