i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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