he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
