Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
