Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
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