please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
