After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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