So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
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