i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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