so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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