These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
