Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
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