So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
