I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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