This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
