ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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