hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
