I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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