i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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