My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Randomize
