I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
