you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
