she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
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