i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
