So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
