my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Randomize
