Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
