dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
