When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
