Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
