you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Randomize
