he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
So here I am, sexting at work.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
