Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
