What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
