So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Randomize
