y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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