you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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